What if I tell you that the belief system according to which you are living is not yours; it has been programmed? The way we behave and react in a certain way is not our choice. Back in 1921, Carl Jung, a famous psychologist, presented his idea of the persona, which explains that we used to wear a mask to fit into society.

In 1997, Don Miguel Ruiz extended this theory, took a deep dive, and explored different angles to it. But centuries ago, in 440 BC, someone had already cracked this open. The man who preferred death over life for asking the right questions — he was Socrates of Athens.

Last month I read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. By the time I finished, it forced me to question my beliefs, which I didn’t even choose. I am 43 now, working in the banking industry for the last 18 years.

The book tells us about the four life-changing agreements we should make with ourselves to become immune to any negative energy carried by people around us and how we can gain control over our emotions. It sounds like any other self-help book, but wait — this blog is not a book summary. The most interesting part that hit me was what was explained before describing those agreements.

Ruiz wanted us to go back in time to when we were born and started to accept the beliefs which were given to us by our parents, relatives, teachers, friends, and society, based upon their own which they had received since their childhood. Till today, those beliefs live with us and shape our lives, and we carry them to the grave with us, and surprisingly, most of them are false.

The book describes the brain as farmland where seeds are sown by the people around us since our childhood. Unfortunately, by nature, this farmland is most receptive to seeds of doubt and fear. A child is born with only two fears from birth: the fear of heights and loud noises. However, these two fears can be overcome as a person grows. Apart from these two fears, all doubts are absorbed because of the seeds planted by others.

Before moving forward to the four agreements, we should ask ourselves to what extent we are living our own life as compared to living life for others. Are we really living by our own choice, or is the way we are living driven by someone’s validation? How much do we judge and doubt ourselves?

To what extent do we deviate from our choices due to fear? We keep on sacrificing, victimizing, and punishing ourselves because this is how we see life as comfortable, and pain becomes our oxygen. Toxicity works like blood, without which we can’t imagine living.

If those questions felt familiar — this article is for you. And if you are already living a happy life, please don’t read further.

So if you are still with me, then let me tell you that these questions are not new; these questions disturbed all the great minds centuries ago, and the search for answers made them great thinkers. Socrates in 440 BC asked the same questions which disturbed the whole elite of Athens as he was trying to pull off the fake mask people were wearing to present themselves as wise.

Carl Jung in 1921 described the same idea: that we don’t live our life; instead, we live for others to please them with a fear of losing them, no matter how toxic it is. But Ruiz in 1997 gave this ideology a different voice and provided four life-changing lessons through which we can plant positive seeds.

Since I have read this book, I have started practicing these lessons at home and work, and I am already feeling the change in the way I think and react to the world. Now I see the world and people around me with a different, positive perspective and keep reminding myself of these four lessons so that no negative energy can harm my inner peace. These four agreements sound very easy but are very difficult to endure in the beginning, but once you start practicing, you will see a change.

First of all, you have to accept the fact that the beliefs you are carrying are not yours — they were given to you. So now it’s time to revisit those beliefs, filter them, and create new ones.

Since these beliefs are rooted so deep in our minds, it is very difficult to challenge yourself and ask yourself the right questions because we tend to live in shadows, concealing ourselves behind the masks we wear just to feel acceptable. So now it’s time to be honest with ourselves and take control of our lives, and if you make the following four agreements with yourself, they will be a game changer if you stick to them.

Be impeccable with your word

The words we use are a reflection of our thoughts. The ability to communicate with words separates us from animals, but because animals don’t have emotions like we do, we are the ones who carry the baggage. The first agreement we need to make with ourselves is to use words with positive intent, no matter what the situation is. Because the words and emotions you use to communicate signal your brain to attract the same energy. Since we use hundreds of thousands of words daily, if we use these words with anger, rage, or any other negative energy, we are not helping ourselves.

Instead, using positive words with humility sends positive signals to our mind and also makes people comfortable around us. Words work like fuel; they can ignite emotions, either positive or negative. Positive emotions tend to increase your self-esteem, while negative emotions will drain your energy. So choose your words wisely.

Don’t take anything personally

As I have mentioned in the above paragraph, the words we use are the reflection of our thoughts, so the second agreement is about not taking anything personally which can drive any emotion. You may like or dislike the way you are being communicated with, and you are free to express your feelings, but keep in mind that if you take everything personally, you will again build emotions.

Like in the banking industry, we used to receive a lot of complaints by our customers — shouting, abusing, and what not. You might receive a comment on your social media post or by a random person in the mall. So if you keep taking everything personally, then you are making a big mistake and drawing your attention to a big energy waster. So don’t take anything personally.

Don’t make assumptions

This agreement is the toughest to make because making assumptions and drawing conclusions is processed unconsciously with lightning speed in our minds, and we start believing our own assumed story and act accordingly. For example, you are at a cafe having some coffee and someone across from you gives you a smile; you can’t imagine how many millions of assumptions your brain will make. By reading this, I am sure you are thinking about that someone and creating assumptions. We need to be aware of this ability of our mind, because once you are aware, you are cautious, and even if your brain is creating assumptions, your awareness is your savior.

So never make assumptions. Keep the context limited to the way it is, and in case of any doubts, ask questions to have a clearer understanding — but don’t ask the person across from you who was smiling by looking at you, you might get in trouble.

Always do your best

The fourth and last agreement is all about keeping yourself reminded of the three agreements you have just read above. Since all the above three agreements will tend to shake your old beliefs, which are deeply rooted, only a constant reminder can help you to follow the new ones. Moreover, whatever you do in your daily life, either at work or at home, do your best without any expectation of reward or validation. We humans waste a lot of energy to please others, to become acceptable.

The fear of rejection or being left alone is always haunting us, but believe me, once you start doing whatever you do without any expectations, you will see the difference. It will make you lighter and increase your productivity as well. So always do your best.

I am already feeling the change in my life since making the above agreements with myself. Which of these four agreements resonates most with you? Let’s discuss in the comments below.